When you start making choices that are best for you, it’s inevitable that you’re going to start disappointing certain people in your life.
People are avoidant to change - and you changing your life means that you’re going to change some part of theirs. Because you’re giving yourself permission to do something that they might not think is possible for themselves, it can be triggering for them. That’s why, sad as it is, you’ll have friends who won’t support you in your new endeavors in entrepreneurship or creativity, and they’re doing it totally unconsciously. By you questioning your own way of living, they’re forced to confront theirs - and they might not be ready to do so.
On the family side, this can be even more difficult to navigate. I recently was letting my parents know that I’m moving to Mexico City and…they had a lot to say about it. It was almost fascinating to see the fears pop up - some borderline ridiculous, such as me getting kidnapped and them getting demanded ransom money (which by the way, I’m in my late 20’s). But of course, it was all phrased in the way of “I’m just bringing this up because I love you”. At the time, I was so frustrated by their reaction, and especially how this form of love and care felt so wrong and constrictive. It was only later on I realized a large part of the reaction was driven from my parent’s fears, and that I had to make my own decisions regardless of what they may desire.
It’s easy to question what authenticity actually is since nobody is defining it. I believe one quality is making decisions for yourself and realizing there’s a potential that you’ll disappoint some important people in your life. If you’ve wondered why you’re unable to make changes in your life, think about how many times a family member or group of friends pop up in your mind when you make decisions.
For me, it’s been pretty much every major decision I’ve made in my life. And without the awareness that I need to get beyond the desire to get approval, I’m not sure I would be able to make those decisions as easily, or at all.
Your fear of letting others down can lead you to live a life that isn’t true to yourself or your desires. I leave you with this question today: where in your life are you making decisions for someone else's approval, instead of your own?
All my love,
Ai