I’ve realized that I am processing what I call Creative Trauma.
After going through periods of burnout, we can start to associate the work that we do with emotions of stress, dismissal, injury, and even violence, even if we were doing work that we love. This is such a mind-fuck because you can start to be afraid of doing things that brought you a ton of joy, and forget why you were doing it in the first place.
After doing work in a nature that doesn’t align with us, we can continue to be stuck in those traumatic emotions and thought patterns while we’re trying to keep doing the work we thought we loved, but somehow doesn’t feel aligned now.
It’s not the type of work itself, but the context of where and how you do it that creates the experience. Whether it’s joyful and expansive, or stressful and demoralizing.
For example, if you’re working as a designer or illustrator but your client/boss is demeaning, unsupportive, and doesn’t respect your boundaries, you’re going to have an awful time regardless of how much you love design or drawing. The context of this environment is stressful, and when you start to associate your creative work with these emotions it can be debilitating.
Of course it’s not exclusive to creative jobs, but I see creative people exploited in many modern day workplaces that are not structured for their success. If you have different work styles or needs, that is often run over by the bureaucracy and competition of a modern day workplace.
If you want to create not just a sustainable, but dream creative practice and business, you have to DECIDE to see things differently. You have to become unavailable for any creative work that drains your energy, and realize that you are worthy of doing creative work in a supportive, restful, energizing and expansive environment.
And until you make that decision and stand by it, there is the possibility that you’ll continue to be exploited by the system. You’ll continue to take on work that isn’t fully aligned with you, that actually won’t be supportive of you in the long term because it’s not allowing you to create to your fullest potential.
Will you choose the path that seems easier now but will be destructive in the end? Or take a leap of faith into the life that you’re meant to live?
With love,
Ai