Not having a job, as an Asian immigrant kid, is probably one of the worst things possible. Growing up the threat was always: “Get A’s or you’ll end up working at McDonalds!”
After you follow the traditional path, get a cushy 9-5 corporate job, you realize you want something…more. It’s not the end-all-be-all utopia you thought it would be. You listened to your parents and made them feel safe and secure and proud, but in the process lost a part of yourself.
I quit my corporate job a while ago because I knew that I was meant for something greater. But it was only after years of experimenting with MANY things and taking action based on my gut that I feel like I’m finally stepping into a more soul-aligned and high self worth version of myself, and have clarity on what I want to do. On the cusp of this transformation, I find myself in one of those transitional phases where I can’t settle for any of the old opportunities anymore.
Even though it’s by choice, the messaging from childhood still rings in my ear. No steady paycheck and health insurance = you’re doing something wrong. And I’m not saying that’s not desirable OR what everyone should rightfully have, but if this the core narrative then there’s no room for transformation, and no room for any type of unknown or uncertainty. And that phase is very real for many people pursuing an untraditional path.
I know this is a story and it doesn’t have to be mine, or part of the rules I abide by. It’s why I can go all in on what I know what’s right for me - switching from corporate marketing to social impact games and art installations, and now to coaching. It’s why I can keep going if I try something and realize that it’s not for me and appreciate the contrast it’s brought me.
In my darkest hour my shadow has whispered to me… “what am I doing? Is this all a waste of time?” More and more I have compassion for this part of me trying to keep me safe, when growing up not following the rules meant not receiving love, and that was my greatest fear of all. I now know that love, approval, self-worth, compassion and permission all come from within, and it’s the rock that centers me despite almost 3 years of being in the unknown. It’s what wills me to keep going even with the whispers of those thoughts in my mind.
I’m writing this because I know how it feels to be in those transitional phases, where you know in your soul the next big thing is coming even though there isn’t any tangible evidence yet. I also know that society makes taking a break or a switching careers feel like the worse type of failure sometimes. I’m here to tell you simply that this is no failure in any way. And when you see that for yourself, you’ll finally be able to take action towards what you want to live, and step into your true purpose.
All my love,
Ai