I watched in part defensiveness and part relief as I walked to my class, seeing the newspaper in other student’s hands walking around the halls.
It was the last newspaper of the school year, the one where they published your name along with the college you decided to go to.
Academics was so important at my high school and in my family that we probably had all 8 years of this newspaper - starting from when my sister attended high school - up until now.
The defensiveness was there for if anyone made a snide or judgemental remark about the school that I was going to. The relief came from knowing that I was going to a fairly good school and wasn’t completely at the “bottom”.
The school system and the environment we grew up in has us analyzing ourselves on a pre-determined scale, questioning what we’re lacking and how we can move up on it. It's based on us needing to place our level of worth by comparing ourselves to others in very superficial categories.
I know this experience as well as many others growing up has influenced me in my “not good enough yet” thinking.
And quite frankly, I’m doing everything I can do change it.
Not only have I seen the power of positively perceiving myself and untangling myself from addictive negative emotions and thoughts, it’s literally been both the antidote of my chronic illness and the reason I’ve been able to make unconventional career moves.
In this episode, I explain how comparing ourselves to others and ever-changing ideals of the future creates stuck-ness in pursuing our dreams, and how my childhood has played into my own comparison trap.
I also share a life changing concept called the gap VS the gain, and how it's helped me elevate my frequency, become happier and more productive.
You can listen to Ep 4 here:
All my love,
Ai