I sat in the plane seat with my head in my hands. I couldn’t tell if the nausea was from fear or the turbulence.
This was hours before I made the biggest single investment in my business to date - a coaching program I knew would change my life.
I knew that after, I would be a different person but it would be a point of no return, an all in moment where I had to take action after.
But actually that’s not what got me to ultimately make the investment.
It was that I saw the version of myself who didn’t do it…and while she would still be successful eventually it would take longer, be more frustrating, have more hedging and be less supported.
I didn’t like that.
It was the fact that I knew life was so much more exciting, joyful, expansive, and community filled on the other side, and although it was the kind of investment that had me shaking in my boots, I ended up making it around 4 hours after I got off the flight.
What happened in those 4 hours?
I leaned into my fear. I got comfortable with the uncomfortable emotions and asked myself - what am I REALLY afraid of?
I was actually flying to Shanghai to meet up with my family and go on a 3 week long vacation with them. And deep down, I felt guilt and shame making that investment.
What would they think of me? That I was being irresponsible? That I didn’t know what I was doing?
And I realized, these fears all came from a place of my inner child needing to be validated from the external. Then I alchemized the shit out of the fear guild and shame, practicing what I preach - and completely source my love from the inside, not the outside.
When we’re making these crazy career leaps and investments in ourselves, it’s so easy to be swayed by the opinion of others. They haven’t even spoken yet but in our minds, we’re already playing out their judgements.
Has this happened to you?
If we don’t get out of this loop, every decision becomes excruciating. In fact, most people don’t even know that they’re being controlled by these programs conditioned through childhood and listen to these fears - this is what happened before I healed my chronic illness and realized that our internal world creates our external world.
I couldn’t even see a possibility outside of my 9-5 because I listened to those thoughts and beliefs instead of observe and change them.
When I realized that I'm worthy because I'm worthy, that it’s inherent and there’s no need to be or have or learn anything else to do so…my reality began to transform.
This is what I wish for you. For anyone who feels stuck or like they’re on the brink of their desires and massive change but just feel an invisible wall -
That invisible wall is the door between you and the wildly worthy version of you just beyond it. You hold the key. Make the jump. Go past the point of no return. And dare to unlock that door for yourself.
So much love,
Ai